Right where I need to be

Normally, these postings focus on what we've been doing for the past week, month, year (however long it's been since my last post!), but I've had something on my mind for the past few weeks that I thought I'd share...so you can skip to the bottom if you just want the "news"! :-)

If you know me, you know that the last 3+ years have been a bit of a struggle for me at times.  I left college and went to graduate school with dreams of my future.  Graduate school was a dream come true for me and  I felt that I had found my true passion in life...something that really defined me.  I loved every minute of the three years I spent there.  I wasn't fazed at all by the full-time job, full-time student, full-time wife situation I had.  Sure, I was tired, and sometimes burnt out, but I LOVED being a therapist!  I couldn't wait to get into the clinic everyday or go to class everyday...I felt like I learned something new about myself every second of my time seeing clients.

Matthew and I knew that the DC area wasn't really our home.  We loved the time we spent there, but we knew we were supposed to be in Texas, so I didn't try to get a job right away.  Poor Matthew spent the next 6 months trying to get a job in the Dallas area, but nothing was working out (the stock market had just crashed!).  Finally, the opportunity presented itself for us to come to San Antonio with his same company and we jumped at it!  I immediately began the job search here in the area.  I looked and looked and looked for about 4 months before somebody (God bless them!), finally told me that I need to sit for the national licensing exam before I could even apply for a job.  I scrambled together all the information and finally got it in the the state board.  It was a 6+ month process just to take the exam and then I had to wait another 2 months for the results.  I finally had everything I needed and I began the search again.  I was SO frustrated, day-in and day-out...there were hardly any jobs in the area and the ones that I did apply for where so stacked with applicants, that I only got 1 interview.

I truly began to feel so defeated...this definition of myself and this path I had set for myself were being thwarted.  I prayed and prayed for God to open the door for me to get a job, but the door remained firmly closed.  Finally, Matthew and I decided it was time that we start a family.  Then we found out we were going to have some difficulty in that area, too.  Every night we would pray that I would find a job and that we would be able to have a baby.

After 6 months, God answered our prayer for a family.  I continued to look for a job for about 4-5 months into the pregnancy, but every door stayed closed, so I gave up looking and started to prepare for our babe.

When Liam was born, I was in love from the very moment I saw him.  I knew that being his mother was going to be a very special role for me.  However, what I didn't realize then was that being his mom would begin to become such an important part of who I am.

And that's the revelation I've had...while I thought that my "job" as a therapist that I was training for, hoping for, and praying for defined who I was, I realize now that it's my relationships that define who I am.  Even if I do have a job someday as a therapist, a chef, a garbage woman, or the president of the US, being a wife to Matthew and a mother to Liam are the MOST IMPORTANT jobs I will ever have.  When I realized this, I began to love "what I do" everyday so much more.  I finally told Matthew, who has been so wonderfully and perfectly supportive of me, that I'm happy what I'm doing right now.  I told him that if I never get a job outside the home, I'll love what I do everyday...because I love the people I work for :-)

As I was praying my rosary the other day I was reflecting on the gift of the mystery that was "openness to the spirit".  I know now that when I opened myself up to where the spirit wanted to move me, I am happy.  I still have pangs of weakness when I wish I could have gotten a job, or I wish I hadn't "wasted" the time or the money in graduate school, but I'm working on a life with no regrets.  I need to understand that every path in life has turns and every experience happens for a reason.  But the bottom line is that I'm happy with the path I'm on today because I know I'm here...right where I need to be.

In "life" news:  Our newest nephew and godson Jonah Nicholas Blalock was born healthy to my glowing sister and her happy husband, Madeline & Darryl.  Caleb is a tad jealous right now, but he's so great with Liam that I know he'll come around and be a great big brother.  We spent a few days with them getting to know the precious new little one and Liam and Caleb had a great time together.  Liam thinks anything and everything that Caleb does is absolutely hilarious!  Caleb can always make him laugh!

Liam is ALMOST ready to roll over...we've had a couple of close attempts and I feel like it will happen soon!  He now loves his exersaucer and he loves looking at and touching the toys in it.  He's great at grabbing things and of course they go straight to the mouth!  He's also still sleeping great through the night.  Sometimes we struggle with naps, but for the most part he still loves his sleep...and he still LOVES being swaddled.  Even though he doesn't always stay that way, he won't go to sleep if he doesn't start the nap/night as a burrito!  He's also getting good at trying to pull himself up...he really wants to be sitting up like a big boy!  Speaking of "big boy"2 weeks ago, he weighed 14# 6oz!!  He has his 4 month appointment on Friday, so we'll find out how big he's gotten in just a few sort weeks.

Matthew and I celebrate our 5-year anniversary next week and we're going on a little trip to celebrate.  I don't know much about it (it's a surprise!), so we'll have to tell you all about it when we get back.

Hope that you all are well!

Much love,
Courtney

We are so close to rolling over!

Loves the exersaucer!  The black and white pandas in the back are his new favorite.

Jack has decided to make the Bumbo his new bed

We love bathtime!

His "mischievous" face...he also loves his fingers

Fourth of July

Daddy and Liam at the jobsite

Still loves those fingers

Daddy and Liam at the park

Caleb helped Matthew and Liam on the slide

Flying baby!

Jonah Nicholas...he's so darn cute!!  Can't believe Liam was this tiny just a few short months ago!

Brothers...they're both so precious!

Caleb sitting in Liam's lap...I missed the smile, but Liam thought this was hilarious.